Relational Masks
Year: 2004
Author: Russell Willingham
Length: 192 pages
Relationships are hard. Sure, once you have communication down, they become easier. However, there are subconscious traumas from our developmental years that will affect how we interact with others for the rest of our lives. These are the things that impede us honestly and intimately communicating with others to build those relationships. While not necessarily a guide on how to fix these traumas, Relational Masks does a great job of identifying the core beliefs that influence how we put barriers between others and our vulnerable selves.
While I understand that many of these “categorization” philosophies (like Meyers-Briggs, 5 Love Languages, etc.) aren’t great at identifying growth areas, I appreciate how they can be something to point to for self-identification. Relational Masks certainly has a categorical set of coping techniques to keep ourselves at arm’s length from those we hold close. Each of these “masks” is a bit of a spectrum of how strongly it affects how you interact with others, just like the Core Beliefs can be weaker or stronger depending on the trauma. Not that “trauma” is really the right word because it seems so extreme.
This book really works well if others around you who you trust also read it and can help you identify when you’re using a mask to block a moment of vulnerability. Unfortunately, there are plenty of examples in the text that feel a little too intense to be relatable. Sure, people can have these severe problems like alcoholism or prostitution, but when you have nothing nearly that bad happening in your life, it’s difficult to connect to the framework in Relational Masks. Still, even if using it for identifying areas to work on in our lives, Relational Masks is a useful tool.
A great introspective tool with a few too many extreme examples, I give Relational Masks 4.0 stars out of 5.
